It feels weird to be back in Chicago after spending three weeks in Bangalore, India. The visual contrast is already pretty dramatic, but the change is more deeply felt on the inside. I keep thinking about how the children of Narnia must have felt when they find themselves in the same room just the way they left it after having gone through such a wild and adventurous journey. Everything is the same, yet everything is different. It’s like the recapitulation (return of the theme) in a sonata movement. Amidst the familiarity, somehow there is more colors, depth, and life behind everything.
Meeting Sandi: God’s Handprints
In case you’re wondering why in the world I went to India, here’s how it all began: Last year, I shared a house with three other girls who were Christian musicians from Northwestern (both current and alums). As the story unfolds for most women in their mid-to-late twenties (keyword: most) Hannah, one of the girls, gets engaged and was looking to get married in June 2011, so she submits an ad to the Daily Northwestern student newspaper in search for a summer subletter. On the other side of the hemisphere (as we came to know the story later), a woman also in her mid-to-late twenties from Bangalore, India, in search for an affordable place to stay for her summer studies at Northwestern, contacts the admissions office and is given Hannah’s contact info. The contract between the two is secured via email and Sandi Oberoi from India moves into our house in June 2011 for the summer.
From my very first encounter with Sandi I had such a strong feeling that God brought her to us. She is not only a professing Christian classical musician (from INDIA) who has her own music school in Bangalore, but a woman who sees, understands and lives for God’s Kingdom, a woman who is fulfilling God’s calling for her in the fullest sense of the word. Not to mention that she is a mother of two children, and the sweetest person I know. There are more twists and background details to the story that made my encounter with Sandi all the more meaningful, but that is basically how our worlds merged. It was a short but sweet and enriching encounter.
One morning in October, a few months after my summer travels to Israel and Korea (a life-transforming trip, by the way) I get an unexpected call from Sandi in the practice rooms, asking me to consider being a part of her school choir’s Christmas concert which will support children with HIV/AIDS. I would play some solo pieces and accompany the choir. Right away I sensed that God was into something great as there was nothing ordinary about the call. The timing of the call and everything that had taken place in my heart up to the point of receiving the call, to be able to see the work that God was doing, was enough for me to say “yes”. So, that led me to India.
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Thinking about the different places I’ve traveled to and the ways it has shaped the way I think makes me realize that what I’ve come to really love about traveling is not merely the sight-seeing and exposure to exotic surroundings, but how it really gets me thinking about things in life that really matter. There is something real about encountering different people, values, cultures, systems and religions that searches my own heart to wonder why I do the things that I do. Perhaps this comes from an innate desire to really understand the purpose and meaning of life, to know what I was created for.
Sandi’s Family: A Glimpse of Heaven on Earth
I arrived in Bangalore at 12:30am on the 8th of December after two 8-hour-long flights with a 2-hour stopover in Paris in between. Sandi and her husband Ryan came to pick me up from the airport all bundled up in warm clothes in a weather that felt like a cool summer night to me. They were so cute. We chattered away the entire ride back to their home saying how we couldn’t believe I was there. And we said that about a few hundred more times over the next few weeks. Sandi’s dad was awake to greet me at 3 a.m. when we arrived at their home, which I thought was so sweet of him. I was graciously given my own room and everything that I needed to stay comfortably for three weeks.
The next morning, I got to meet Sandi’s mom and her two little girls who were so adorable they took my breath away. Tiana, the six-year-old younger one, came running to me first yelling “Hi, Auntie, Genie!” when she saw me and gave me a big hug with her little arms. Then, shortly after that, Tiara, the eight-year-old one, did the same thing, also saying how she was eagerly waiting for my arrival, and how she so wanted to come to the airport the previous night. She said it just like that. I was about to burst by their cuteness by then. It made me think of all the other 8-year-olds that I know. Talk about contrast! After Ryan prayed for the girls and sent them to school, he sat down to have breakfast with me. Over a plate of dosa (a thin pancake made of rice batter) and yummy dips, he told me a little bit about the Indian family culture and shared with me some of his values and beliefs as a parent. There was a lot of parenting wisdom in there. After breakfast, I went to my room and jotted down about five pages of notes.
Living with and getting to know Sandi’s family (not just her nuclear family, but her extended family of multiple generations, including her in-laws) was in itself an eye-opening experience and definitely one of the highlights of the trip. It really showed me that a solid Christian foundation is the best gift parents can give to their children and their offspring. There was no need to do ground work; no need for detours, or time wasted arguing over the meaning of life; everything was just there ready to move forward. But if I had to use one word to describe what set them apart, it would be ‘love’. Not in the sugar-coated, thin-spread meaning of the word tossed around here and there, but a love that is thicker than life; a kind of radiance that points to God. Not to say that they are perfect people, but just being a part of their day-to-day life for a short time and seeing how they love one another and love others with all of their talents, resources and capacities spoke of something infinitely good. It was so inspiring, like heavenly music to the soul. It was like seeing a healthy portrait of what life is supposed to look like here on earth.
The “Cadence” Christmas Concert: Using Talents for a Cause
I took part in three concerts over the span of three weeks. But the first concert was the peak of the events, as it was the first children’s choir concert ever in Bangalore. It was held on a Sunday evening at an auditorium of a local Christian College and drew an audience of over a thousand people. Being the first concert of its kind, there was a lot of excitement from both the performers and the audience. The concert was sponsored by The Harmony International Music Foundation, founded by Sandi and Ryan, with a hope to set a new standard of musical excellence for the community as well as to raise awareness for children at the Sneha Care Home, a local residential facility with over a hundred children living with HIV/AIDS. “Touching Lives Through Music” is the foundation’s catch phrase.
I was able to see how much preparation went into the concert, not just musically, but in the technical process of making it all happen. So much logistical planning and execution had to go into preparing the lighting, sound systems, stage decorations, posters, tickets, program booklets, costumes, gifts, gift-wrapping, invitations, ribbons, etc. etc. and probably at least a few dozen more things that I’m not even aware of. It was a lot of work for two people to plan; almost like a wedding, except on a much bigger scale. Of course Sandi’s sister and parents went all out on their knees helping in every way they could. And Ryan was everything from the supervisor of sound systems to the backstage man with the walkie-talkie. (And this is something he did on top of his normal job(s).) Later, as I was reading Exodus 25-31, a picture of Sandi and the crew putting their hearts into every detail of the concert came to mind.
Sandi directed the choir singing the Hallelujah Chorus from Handel’s “Messiah” as well as several contemporary arrangements of popular Christmas carols. Her choir really did set a new standard for the community. As a children's choir accompanist in the Chicago area, I'd have to say I was impressed! Not only were they in tune, but you could tell they all really wanted to be there. And some of these kids can really sing! It melted my heart to see them sing their little hearts out. There were two other children’s choirs from other schools that participated in the concert, and Sandi's choir put them to shame. Not that there was any competition or anything like that, but it was just an obvious factor. And what was so beautiful is that the children got to share their talents with the Sneha children, who actually came for half of the concert.That was meaningful for me, too. A greater intention behind everything. How often do I get to use my talent for a cause like that? It was so beautiful to see blessings flow, from God to people, from people to people, and from people back to God.
In addition to the children’s choirs, four solo performances were given by Sandi (she blew everyone away), Rosy (one of the top Christian artists in Kenya and a woman of God who I got to spend lots of time with), Benny (guitarist and world-traveler from Bangalore...keep reading), and myself. [a photo of Rosy and Benny on the right]
My Performance: Realizing the Disconnection
Since all three concerts were Christmas-themed, I had to pick a Christmas song to play in addition to the classical piece that I always perform in events like this: Liszt's “Tarantella”. If I think about it, it’s not just out of convenience that I bring the Tarantella to various concert settings. It’s dramatic, exciting, impressive, and everyone loves it; as opposed to a movement from a Chopin Sonata, or a Brahms Intermezzo which I think requires a more sophisticated ear to be able to enjoy. So, I haven't completely crossed out the audience in my mind. (I’m trying to feel better about myself.) And the Tarantella does represent my technical abilities well. But what does the piece really communicate to people? Well, I want them to experience excitement, dramatic contrast, romance, intensity, and a stir of emotions through the music. But perhaps it is often times the fast-moving fingers and acrobatic hand movements that speak louder than the music? If the latter is true, what am I really communicating through my performance? That's still a tough one to swallow. And it took me 80,000 miles away from home to finally face that question.
Anyway, back to the story. So, the Christmas song that I picked out was “It Came Upon a Midnight Clear” from a collection of Christmas song arrangements for solo piano that I picked up from the music store on the day of my departure to India. Just a simple arrangement with a little bit of jazz thrown in the rhythm. I played it through maybe three or four times before the concert and performed it with the music on stage, taking extra-long suspensions whenever I had to turn the page. A peaceful Christmas piece and the Tarantella. What do they have in common? Umm, the piano...? Well, I did come up with something rather cheeky. In my shaking voice in front of an audience of over a thousand guests who are mostly Hindu and unfamiliar with classical music, I attempt to make a short introduction (but really a disclaimer) about how Christmas is a season that represents hope, joy and passion to me, and how the two pieces communicate those things to me. It makes me shiver with embarrassment every time I replay that moment in my head for some reason.
Well, so there it was. I walked down the stage after playing the Christmas song and the Tarantella (an amplified version of it), feeling relieved to get the performance off my chest. But something was still bothering me. I couldn’t help feeling like I had just recited a poem in Greek to an Indian audience or something. And that made me feel like I failed as a communicator, the one thing I really want to be in life. Even though people cheered and the response seemed positive, somehow I felt alienated and misunderstood (even though it was probably more the other way around), inadequate and insecure as a classical musician. At first I thought maybe I wasn't happy with my own performance, because that can bring out such a reaction in me after a bad performance. But it had more to do than just that.
What bothered me was the fact that it didn't even matter how well I played! I could have played so horribly and still be crying about it, but it would have made absolutely no difference to the audience. Where was I supposed to obtain the fulfillment then? If the audience can't appreciate what I'm trying to say, not because they don't agree with the content, but because they don't understand the language, how can I walk away feeling like I have communicated something? Thinking about this makes me realize how much I am accustomed to relying on my own performance to feel a sense of worth, to pat myself on my back and say "you did okay". But really, how often have I thought about the people I am communicating to? How ignorant of me to play music for my own fulfillment and just hope that someone in the audience gets it!
Meeting Benny: Discerning God's Calling
Ah, another divine appointment that I could not have planned myself! So, towards the end of the second half of the concert, Sandi introduces a special guest performer, Benny Prasad, as a close friend of hers who has set the world record for traveling to every country in the world in the shortest span of time (6 years, 6 months and 66 days, something like that) and has performed for presidents and international events such as the FIFA World Cup and the Olympic games. While I’m wondering in my mind what kind of guy he is, an Indian man with long reggae braids, an odd-looking guitar, a colorful Indian top, and a brown hat that reads “THANK YOU JESUS / I’M AN INDIAN” walks on stage. As he starts to introduce himself and tell his story, every person in the audience is instantly hushed and magnetically drawn to him. His story is incredible. Check out his testimony on youtube and be blessed: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZASF3-sdyLo
The way Benny was able to connect with the audience and minister to people through his testimony and performance of “Shout to the Lord” on his Bongo-Harp Guitar (a guitar with built-in drums that he invented) was so powerful beyond words. What he wanted to communicate was so clear and he was able to use all of abilities to give all of the glory to God. It wasn't about how great he was, but how great God is, and all the great things He has done in his life. Every ability that he had and every possession that he owned pointed to that. You can imagine emotions of awe, longing and frustration all blowing up inside me like a balloon at that point.
I had a chance to talk to Benny a few days later about music and the questions/frustrations I have as a classical musician wanting to connect better with my audience. He told me more about his experiences as a traveling musician and the wisdom God gave him in regards to communicating with an audience. During that conversation, I felt God speaking to me through him, provoking thoughts and desires that I knew were from Him. It was as though a passion I had buried so deep within me rose to the surface and I was able to see it with my eyes again.
Even though I have been trained as a classical pianist in the classical music world, God knows I’ve always wanted to be more than just that. I want to be a communicator through music, and through every means that I am capable of expressing myself with! I want to reach out to all types of audiences (not just educated, scholarly ones) using music and words, to communicate my thoughts and share my knowledge and experiences!
I suppose classical musicians are used to playing classical music for a certain type of audience, and there is certainly nothing wrong with that. In fact, I don't know if anything can compare to the awe-inspiring beauty of an exquisite performance of great classical music. But let's be honest. There are only maybe a handful of classical musicians in the world who were born with that kind of talent and have nurtured the commitment to reach that level. Every other classical musician in the world pursuing a career in music seems to be fighting to get to the top. Maybe that was a rather harsh illustration, but I don't think the reality is far from it. At least in North America, Europe and Asia (as these are the continents I am more familiar with), the path to becoming a great(er) musician is a lonely path that is hurdled with competitions, auditions, and multiple school degrees. And the successful ones that have made it to the top are rewarded with a stable income, flexible hours, more regular performance opportunities, and students at the top percentage of the world who want to follow the same path. Is it just me, or is there something utterly wrong with this picture? Just for the record, I'm not just entertaining different ideas out of pleasure, or trying to put certain people down. In fact, what 's scary is to realize that these desires have found a little place to nest in my heart too, when I thought that I had been running away from them. Where am I running towards? Where are my studies leading to? Where is my heart? Where and how can I serve God most effectively? Where is God calling me?
God, I am finding that my passion and my skills are not exactly aligned with each other. It’s not even that I want to shift gears and go into a new field of music. You know that. I know that you have led me in my studies thus far for a reason. And I pray that you will use all of the skills that I have gained; that none of it will be wasted. But why is it that I feel dissatisfied in my field of study? Somehow it seems so sheltered, so irrelevant in other places outside of the classical music bubble. If you really want me to just be content where I am, as a classical pianist pursuing a career path to become a performer and professor at a music school at the university level, if you want me to continue to pursue excellence as a classical pianist and use me to minister to university students in this pool, give me a stronger assurance and conviction to believe in your calling for me. Show me how I can be an effective communicator through classical music. But if your calling for me is elsewhere, by any chance, and if You are the one that has been tugging my heart in a slightly different direction all along, if that wasn’t just me being skeptical about my abilities or looking for an easier way out, but if it was in fact You who has given me a passion to communicate with all of the gifts you’ve given me in a new and creative way, I pray Lord that you would show me your way. I don’t even understand what I’m saying now, God, because who I want to be is so far from what I am. How can someone like me who is afraid of introducing myself in front of people be an effective communicator? But I trust in You and acknowledge that your ways are higher than mine. And I ask that You would reveal Your calling for my life. Let it be known, God. Why would you ever hide your purposes from me? I want to offer you my life so that You will take control of my life and lead my steps. All of my abilities and passions come from you, Lord. Please give me clear directions for my future and mold my thoughts and desires so that everything that I want is from You. If it is not from You, please take it away, Lord. Be exalted and magnified through all of me, Jesus.
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I still have lots of questions and lots to figure out. But in the end, somewhere in the quietness of my heart I hear a voice telling me to "be faithful where God has me now" - that God's calling for me is now in my obedience to Him, to be faithful to the people and situations He has me in, and that living out His perfect plan for my life is ultimately a path of knowing Him and becoming more like Christ. I trust that He will bring me where He wants me to be--one step at a time. Thank you, Lord, for the experiences in India. All glory to Jesus.
